Books by Michael E. Metz, Ph.D.
Enduring Desire - Men's Sexual Health - Coping with ED - Coping with PE
For book details, click on underscored title.
Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy
(This book is also available as an electronic book; click on the book image to redirect to Amazon.)
The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) has awarded ENDURING DESIRE its 2011 Best Book Award!
Publisher's note: In Enduring Desire, authors Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy inspire and motivate readers with real-life examples and clear, helpful individual and couple exercises to reach for realistic and high quality sexual satisfaction as a couple. Throughout the book, they promote positive, realistic sexual expectations without commercialism and the exotic promises of hype that set people up for disappointment. The message is down-to-earth and full of joy for all couples, from their 20s to their 80s. They advocate the variable, flexible “Good Enough Sex” (GES) model which integrates relationship intimacy and eroticism; examine the biopsychosocial, multidimensional, and comprehensive roles, functions, and meanings of couple sexuality; and validate the inherent variability and flexibility of couple sexuality. Exercises include the 5 kinds of intimate touch, regular sex as the "intimacy blender", relationship and sexual playfulness, and working as an intimate team for conflict resolution. This book describes how to have real sex in real life that is optimal, lasting, and enduring.
Enduring Desire --> Recommendations
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‘The Good Enough Sex Model’ (Metz and MaCarthy 2007, 2011) – a review and summary– by William H. Fisher. http://www.thoughtsfromatherapist.com/tag/good-enough-sex/
This is by far my favorite article of the subject of human sexuality… I am very thankful to the authors for putting this wonderful piece together. I use the information from this article all the time with my clients… If you want to help your self or your clients to have more sexual satisfaction within a relationship I would highly recommend you attain this article.
The Good enough sex model can be found on Dr. Metz’s website at http://www.michaelmetzphd.com/ - you will also find other information and publications.
This is an exceptional article which gives a very clear and organized presentation of a multi dimensional sex therapy treatment called the Good Enough Sex Model. The model suggests that sex therapist have historically looked at sexual dysfunction from a limited perspective (just medical or just psychoanalytic etc). This Model proposes that psycho biosocial approach be utilized. The model uses “cognitive, behavioral, emotional, and relation factors to promote cohesion, cooperation, and intimacy” (Metz and MaCarthy 2007). The model helps people to lessen focus on performance while increasing awareness of pleasure, happiness, and emotional intimacy.
Cognitive approaches are used to aid individuals in developing a commitment to sexual health, a responsibility for growth, a willingness for behavioral suggestions, and to promote realistic expectations about sex (Metz and MaCarthy 2007).
Emotional approaches involve accepting and expressing honest feeling about sex and body image (Metz and MaCarthy 2007). .
Behavioral interventions are used to teach physical relaxation (which is believed to be of paramount importance), sensual self-entrancement and arousal (Metz and MaCarthy 2007).
Relational methods are used to increase cooperation, emotional empathy and to allow open dialog about couples’ issues such as forgiving each other for past sexual disappointment (Metz and MaCarthy 2007).
The model then lists twelve essential principles of the Good Enough Sex Model. I will give you a summary of the author’s basic idea’s… again, the author came up with all this useful information.
- Sex is a positive part of life which can benefit things like intimacy, self-confidence, and trust etc.
- Relationships satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are very related… in this way a couple can work together to increase satisfaction.
- Realistic expectations about sex greatly helps sexual satisfaction – this is a huge part of the article. The authors try and normalize the truth that sex is good sometimes, not good sometimes and great sometimes.
- Healthy behaviors that encourage good physical health are of paramount importance for good sexual health.
- Relaxation and the ability to self-sooth (anxiety) or to calm your physiology is very helpful in relation to both pleasure (reaching orgasm) and function (ED, longevity)
- Focusing on and valuing flexibility in relation to sexual experiences is a great way to avoid sexual dysfunction –The authors suggest that you focus on the positive sexual experiences while accepting that the less than positive experiences are perfectly normal. The authors suggest ways of removing performance pressure, fears of failure, and worries about rejection.
- The Authors suggest that couples talk openly about all the different purposes of sex (romance, emotional intimacy, play etc). Couples can benefit from using sex for multiple purposes (if sex is purely for romance in your relationship they might suggest adding play or emotional intimacy).
- The article then talks about arousal and how there are different ways of creating arousal.
- Any differences that arise from culture, gender, etc are given respect.
- The authors suggest that sex be looked at developmentally… is grows and changes as life grows and changes… these changes can be celebrated.
- Sexuality can be personalized… the authors suggest that you allow yourself to hold acceptance for the meaning that you place on the experience.
Michael E. Metz; Barry W. McCarthy, ENDURING DESIRE. NY: Routledge, 2011
Michael E. Metz; Barry W. McCarthy. The “Good-Enough Sex” model for couple sexual satisfaction. Sexual and Relationship Therapy; August 2007; Volume 22 No. 3 Pages 351 – 362
http://www.thoughtsfromatherapist.com/tag/good-enough-sex/
“No hype, no bromides—just loads of practical and inspiring strategies for having a life-long, satisfying sexual relationship. I can’t think of a better guide for couples young and old. Read it together, use it, and give it to couples starting their journey together.”
—William J. Doherty, PhD, Professor of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota; author, Take Back Your Marriage
“Metz and McCarthy have written the best book available on enhancing and maintaining sexual desire and intimacy in long term relationships. They present a realistic understanding of what contributes to quality intimacy and long term sexual satisfaction. Recognizing that sexuality resides in a relationship, Enduring Desire takes a biopsychosocial approach, which appreciates the major components of sexual biology, personal and relationship psychology, as well as social and cultural influences on the couple, their attitudes and behaviors. Through real life examples and inviting reader’s self examination, Metz & McCarthy introduce the reader to the value of the ‘Good Enough Sex’ model, rather than the goal-oriented, perfect intercourse model that leads so many couples to frustration. This is book is a gift to everyone seeking a better and enduring level of sexual and personal intimacy.”
—Julian Slowinski, PsyD, ABPP, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania, School of Medicine; Senior Clinical Psychologist, Pennsylvania Hospital; Co-author, The Sexual Male, The Good Sex Guide
“A realistic and refreshing look at creating and maintaining a satisfying sex life across the ages. Metz and McCarthy challenge the mythical sexual beliefs of incessant and unrelenting sexual desire that pervade our culture, and instead offer honest and unbiased tips for setting realistic expectations and fostering healthy sexual scripts. With their over 70 years of combined clinical expertise as sex therapists, the authors created a book which is a must-read for sex therapists and educators, and anyone in a long-term relationship.”
—Lori A. Brotto, PhD, R Psych, Assistant Professor, University of British Columbia, Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology
“Metz and McCarthy’s concept of ‘good enough sex,’ as emphasized in their newest book, Enduring Desire, offers a superb model of expectation management for professional and public audiences alike. I would recommend this book to my patients, colleagues, and students without hesitation.”
—Michael A. Perelman, PhD, President, Society for Sex Therapy and Research; Clinical Associate Professor, Psychiatry, Reproductive Medicine and Urology, NY Weill Cornell Medical Center
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Men's Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex
This is a book for men, women, couples, parents, teachers, clergy, and others interested in positive sexual health and satisfaction.
This book explains healthy male sexuality, written by, for and about men. It presents the best scientific, accurate knowledge -- without "hype" and distortion. It is written for men and their partners --> to help them understand and cooperate sexually around healthy practices. It is also valuable for parents, teachers, psychologists, marital and family therapists, clergy, physicians and others working with young men, adult men, and older men.
Routledge publisher Dr. George Zimmer (left) and Dr. Michael Metz (right) promoting the new book, Men's Sexual Health, at the Smart Marriages marital and family therapy conference, Denver, June, 2007.
Men's Sexual Health is organized around positive, realistic, and healthy thinking about male sexuality over the life-cycle, 15 "facts" for men's sexual self-confidence, understanding how men learn about sex, the best scientific data about sexuality as boys and girls, men's and women's sexual growth experiences, as well as the importance of partner sexual cooperation with features such as the 5 "purposes" for sex, 3 basic sexual "arousal styles", the importance of pleasure as well as sexual performance, the variety of common sexual preferences and practices, and awareness and enhancement of individual and couple sexuality.
Chapters include positive and healthy thinking about men's sexuality; boys-to-men development; similarities and differences of men and women; the "ten things" men need to learn for sexual health; the importance of integrating thoughts, feelings, and behaviors; understanding and dealing with sexual problems; the "Good-Enough Couple Sex" model encouraging couples to blend as an "intimate team"; and lifelong healthy sexuality. A multidimensional model for a comprehensive understanding of sexual health and sexual problems is grounded on current biological, psychological, medical, and relationship research and is discussed in terms appropriate for the general reader.
REVIEWS of Men's Sexual Health:
" Metz and McCarthy just moved to the #1 spot on my list of favorite ‘talk about sex’ books. Best book about men and sex in a decade. They’re well researched, but never dull, with a candid no-nonsense style. A kind of smart talk about sex that you’d expect to find from a couple of guys who’ve spent all their time as top-of-their-field sex therapists and sex experts. I not only like how they talk about men’s sexuality, I like how they talk about women’s sexuality and making sex win-win for both. Knowing that good sex is at the core of a good relationship, they tell you how to be an intimate team with your lover. There are couples whose sex lives are never dull, couples who know that sex makes them closer and more intimate. And there are men who know how to make that happen. Meet Metz and McCarthy. This book will change the pleasure quotient in your life." --> Sallie Foley, co-author of Sex Matters for Women, University of Michigan.
"Men's Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex is a remarkable contribution to the field of sex therapy. This book should be on the bookshelf of every sex health and sex education professional. This book is great for adults and older adults, but I get even more excited when I think about giving it to young men who don't have sexual problems yet. The tone is reassuring, and the stance is non-judgmental, but decidedly not wishy washy. The authors take important positions on a number of topics. Men's Sexual Health is destined to be a classic. --> Aline Zoldbrod, PhD, in Contemporary Sexuality
"McCarthy and Metz's latest book, Men's Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex, is just plain terrific!!! It presents new information, cogent observations and sensible suggestions that will enrich and enlighten the sexual life and comfort of every man (and his partner). Truly, this is the best book on men's sexual health to come along in decades. I am recommending it to all of my patients!" --> Sandra R. Leiblum, Ph.D., Professor of Psychiatry and Director, Center for Sexual and Relationship Health, Robert Wood Johnson Medical School.
"In Men’s Sexual Health, respected clinicians McCarthy and Metz offer men a positive and holistic understanding of a man’s sexual self. The authors view male sexuality as going beyond the common emphasis on mere performance and pass-fail sex. Men’s Sexual Health tells men the truth about what it takes to enjoy healthy, pleasurable and satisfying sex. The message is that lasting sexual fulfillment requires an integration of understanding sexual biology, emotions, and partner relationships. The essential ingredients of long term sexual satisfaction include intimacy, pleasuring, and eroticism. The authors remind us that not every sexual encounter need be perfect. Men’s Sexual Health delivers a realistic message that is so essential for the sexual well being of men today. In this book, Drs. McCarthy and Metz have hit another home run." --> Julian Slowinski, Psy.D., ABPP, clinical assistant professor, Department of Psychiatry, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, AASECT Diplomate Sex Therapist, and co-author of The Sexual Male and The Good Sex Guide .“Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy are respected researchers and outstanding clinicians. They have contributed much to what we know today about male sexuality.” --> Paul Joannides, author of Guide To Getting It On!
"McCarthy and Metz have come as close as anyone I have ever seen to finding the vague and elusive happy medium of male sexuality. They have carefully and skillfully walked the tightrope between the demands of traditional machismo and the quest for male emotional intuition and sensitivity....Men's Sexual Health is as much at home at the Super Bowl party as it is on Oprah's coffee table." --> Mark O. Bigler, in PsycCritques
“Women, buy this book! Obviously for the man in your life—after all, its goal is to help him achieve ‘a life-long, intimate, erotic sex life’—but, also to read it yourself. Its straightforward, by-men-for-men approach will give you an inside track, and help you know him, and therefore, love him even better.” --> Diane Sollee, MSW, founder and director of SmartMarriages.com
COPING WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION:
Coping With Erectile Dysfunction was awarded the 2007 SSTAR Best Book award by the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
Dr. Richard Carroll (left) presents the 2007 SSTAR Society's Best Consumer Sexual Health Book crystal award to Dr. Michael E. Metz (right) for his book, Coping with Erectile Dysfunction, Atlanta Georgia.
SECOND PROFESSINAL AWARD FOR
COPING WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION!
COPING WITH ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION book is the Association for Behavioral & Cognitive Therapy (ABCT)
"The 2011 Self Help Book Seal of Merit Winner".
REVIEWS: "Continuing the momentum of their revolutionary book, Coping with Premature Ejaculation, Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy, two of the nation's most respected sex therapists, bring you the only complete self-help resource on the market for men dealing with erectile dysfunction. Not only is this book the first to address this problem using the most current research into male sexuality, but it is the first to propose a treatment approach that unites medical, psychological, and relationship-enhancing techniques into a cooperative process that couples can work through together. The book begins with an uncomplicated explanation of ED and a discussion of the mythologies that surround much of male sexuality. After describing the integrated treatment approach, the book helps men develop a set of realistic sexual expectations for each phase of their lives and explores the role of their partners in resolving ED problems. Exercises help men assess the nature of their problems. The results of the assessments lead readers to explore medical, psychological, and couples-related interventions. The book closes with a detailed program for relapse prevention. Ultimately, the Metz-McCarthy approach encourages couples to explore their own sexual intimacy as a means of overcoming the problem." From the Publisher.
With a therapeutically integrated technique and a unique couple-centered approach, two of America's most prominent sex therapists offer men and their partners the most effective solutions available to overcome erectile dysfunction. According to the National Institutes of Health, between 15 and 30 million American men experience chronic erectile dysfunction. This is the only book on the market that addresses the biological, social, and psychological causes of ED, as well as offering a comprehensive treatment plan that includes a relapse prevention program. This book is written by leading sexologist, Michael Metz, and Barry McCarthy, author of the best-selling book, Sexual Awareness.This is one of the only books on this subject that encourages couples to work together to overcome the problem.
Translations: Italian, Korean, Turkish, and Vietamese languages.
Coping With Premature Ejaculation:
How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex
Explore a multidimensional, bio-psychological approach to dealing with this problem and strengthening your sexual relationship. Explode the myths of male sexual performance and analyze male sexual desire. Learn about th
e different types of premature ejaculation and use assessment exercises to find out which you suffer from. Then, follow one of the structured, symptom-specific treatment strategies based on psychological, relational, and physiological techniques. Find out ways to prevent relapse. Enhance and improve your overall sexual relationship.
Designed as a
resource for couples, this book is powerful tool for creating support and positive change in your relationship.
From the Publisher
This book contains the latest, scientifically-based, multidimensional methods for overcoming all types of premature ejaculation and includes a complete relapse prevention program.
Translations: Italian, Korean, Turkish, and Vietamese languages.
Manual for the Styles of Conflict Inventory
(2009 - out of print)
(Consulting Psychologists Press, 1993)
General theories of relationship dysfunction and dissatisfaction have emphasized the role of conflict in the etiology, maintenance, and therapeutic treatment of relationship problems. The Styles of Conflict Inventory (SCI) is a brief self-report measure designed to aid in the assessment of relationship or couple conflict. It gives a broad, initial overview of the basic types of cognitive and behavioral responses between partners, compares their individual perspectives on their relationship conflict, and provides a general screen of the couple’s interactions when discord or disagreement occurs in the relationship. As such, the SCI may be helpful to marital and relationship therapists and researchers to determine the severity and pattern of conflict in a relationship, and the possible role that conflict may play in a variety of problems. The SCI is useful in marital / relationship therapy, mediation, domestic abuse assessment, pastoral and pre-marital counseling, sex therapy, or enrichment programs.
The SCI organizes conflict-resolution styles according to two basic dimensions:
(a) the classic engaging vs. avoiding conflict styles comprised of three engaging styles -- assertion, aggression, adaptation--and three avoiding styles -- withdrawal, submission, denial; and
(b) constructive vs. destructive styles, which may promote (assertion, adaptation, submission) or contaminate (verbal aggression, physical aggression, withdrawal, denial) beneficial conflict resolution, and subsequently, overall relationship satisfaction. These two dimensions define the styles according to their function or role in conflict resolution; for example, assertion is classified as a constructive, engaging style, whereas withdrawal is categorized as a destructive, avoiding style.
UPCOMING BOOKS by Dr. METZ
(scheduled for release fall, 2012)
COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL COUPLE SEX THERAPY.
- Michael E. Metz, Ph.D. & Norman Epstein, Ph.D.
- “Practical Clinical Guidebooks” (PCG) series - couple sex therapy.
- Target audience: professional clinicians and trainees.
- Taylor & Francis publications, NY.
- publication date: Fall 2012.
- Enduring Desire.
- Men's Sexual Health.
- Coping With Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
- Coping With Premature Ejaculation (PE).
- Future Books by Metz.
- OTHER BOOKS.